I burst into tears on Friday night because I miss my family. Though I’ve lived away from home since I was seventeen, this is the first time I’ve lived in another country, somewhat permanently, without the freedom to fly home whenever I feel the urge. It was one of those uncontrollable sobs that feel really good but guiltily indulgent.
I spoke to my mother earlier that day and she asked me if I needed any money. I said no, because I really don’t, but it triggered something in me, something that made me want to say yes – take care of me! I’m a grown woman but I still want to be babied.
When I calmed down and stopped thinking about everything – about where I live, what I do, where I’m from, where I am now – I felt silly (but still sad) because I realized that I hold on dearly to ideas of what I perceive as “me”. For so long I’ve been a daughter, a sister, a Canadian, a student….and now that I have new labels forced on me – producer, writer, Canadian with visa, alien…my mind is confused and my body mistakes this for suffering.
I found this video of Shakti Mhi, whom I studied with for my yoga Teacher Training Course. She explains the whole concept of the Self quite well.
I’m fine now. It was a good cry and I needed it.
Tags: self, shakti mhi
